THE PROPER PROCEDURE
Thank you for your interest!
You can find some basic pointers in this poem as well as in the brief notes below.
Please send your financial, artistic or sexual offers to firstname.lastname@example.org and if we find them intriguing, we will send you further details about our processes.
Please also feel free to write if you’d just like to stay abreast of our new artwork, projects, casting calls, crowd-funding opportunities, etc. We don’t use social media as we find them to be too-heavily censored.
FINANCIAL: STP only accepts clean money from patrons and investors, and he will always demand proof as to exactly where the money came from. ‘Clean’ for him means free of theft, abuse, drugs, weapons, etc. But if you got it through gambling and can demonstrate that, including stock-market or hedge-fund gambling, that’s OK. Inherited money is also OK. Money earned through honestly creating something beautiful and useful, however, will always take precedence.
There is no chance that any of you can afford to buy any of STP’s original artwork (they all start in the trillions of dollars [with some occasional minor discounts for top artists and poets, as well as active ballerinas and supermodels who rim]), nor is there any chance that he would modify the slightest detail of any work just to satisfy an investor or financier. But he would gladly include the name of said investor or financier in the project’s credits, or even on this site, and he would certainly honor any contract signed regarding production, partnership, distribution, royalties, etc., provided that at least some version of every work, including films, will always remain freely available online for those in need.
ARTISTIC: We are currently looking for:
- An editor and computer animator (After Effects or the like) for FLUX and one other, far more ambitious, project.
- A graphic designer for the printed version of Rubber Tricks, as well as all sorts of STP-themed merchandise – clothing and the like.
You can be located anywhere in the world, but must be top-notch, obviously. Compensation will be determined according to your interests and the laws of supply and demand.
If you have other skills and would like to collaborate with us, just show us what you’ve got and you never know…
SEXUAL: The process for sexual groupies begins with a thorough vetting process conducted by STP’s assistants, and covers all key areas of hygiene, health, legality, sexual skill and willingness to please.
Once you have successfully cleared the vetting process, you will be put on a waiting list for the next available slot.
The current wait time is approximately 2 years and the average slot is about 1-2 weeks long, depending on your specific skill set.
Slots are usually filled with intense sexual activity, sprinkled with some conversation, and sometimes even a bit of joint artistic exploration, but none of the latter can be guaranteed.
You are also not guaranteed any exclusivity with STP and you may find yourselves sharing your slots with any number of other groupies simultaneously.
Slots are usually limited to one-per-lifetime, although there have been two exceptions thus far.
If you are interested, you can begin by sending us a brief video explaining why you think you can make STP happy and we will contact you if we like what we see.