In response to the overwhelming emails,
And numerous attempts missing their mark,
I’d like to provide some guidance to my would-be groupies:

Be filthy and clean!

Filthy in mind and soul,
But sparkling clean in body!

Soaped and douched.
Sanded down.
Pedicured and manicured.

You can keep some hair –
No rules on that one.

Try to be female,
But if you’re a gorgeous effeminate male,
I may just fuck you,
Or let you blow me.

Age is irrelevant.

Mind over body,
If the body be clean!

The pretty,
Have privilege,
In direct proportion to their gifts,
Although my notion of ‘pretty’ may surprise you.

Learn some technique!
(Video tutorials coming soon…)

Ween yourself off of your music,
Just in case our tastes collide –
I will only listen to sounds I like!

Be ready to experiment.

Be ready to taste everything,
Involved with my being.

I can rough you up,
If you’d like,
But I won’t get too brutal.

And lest I forget,
Be certain to be clean!
Sparkling clean!