Find a nice, quiet place where you can work undisturbed.

Repeat steps 1-7 for as many years as necessary (if no luck by age 30, seek employment).

After getting exciting results (steps 8-9)

place in pretty container, e.g.,

and submit to lab for karat confirmation and evaluation.

Wait (approx 12-15 years [and as long as 20-25 years in more respectable societies]).

While waiting, repeat steps 1-9 as often as you like, but bear in mind – they can be highly addictive!

After getting back lab results, cash in + indulge (with straight face). Details of your buying power will be provided by lab, but are usually in direct proportion to your eccentricities and other misfortunes.

Good Luck!

* Uncircumcised and female models operate the same way, but see back for important cleaning tips.

Homage to Jan Švankmajer’s Philosophy in the Budoir II, Animated Objects, etc.